Responsibility

As I pondered the quote given, it caused me to reflect on my own journey so far in my recovery. If I look back on the multiple times that I attempted to get sober and put my life back together, it was definitely evident that at that time that something/someone else was controlling my life. I got married in October of 2009 and for the first few years, my marriage was fantastic. By 2012, I was drinking again and by 2013 had a girlfriend on the side while still married to my wife. I’m not proud of these actions but I was letting alcohol make poor decisions for me. I thought I had the desire to take responsibility and tried to stop but to no avail. In 2015, I kept feeling sick and nauseous, saw the doctor, and her suggestion was that I needed to cut back on drinking or else I was going to not only ruin my liver but also my stomach as well. I listened for a month or two and went back at it heavily. Again, that something else was in control of my life. Fast forward to 2018 and 2019…my drinking had gotten really really really bad. It was what I did when I woke up in the morning and throughout the day into the evening. Alcohol and money for alcohol became more important than having money to pay rent or other bills. It almost destroyed me and it had already ruined two relationships, with a third potentially heading for disaster because that something was in control of my life. In September 2019, I decided to take control of the situation because I was just over having an outside factor influencing my entire life and I frankly did not want to die at 33. With my voluntary request to be admitted into the DUI Court Program, I took responsibility for my recovery and started a renewed journey towards a good life. While there have been a few mishaps on the journey, it still continues to be a journey which I am in control of. Nobody is forcing me to make this decision to live a recovery lifestyle, one where I take my mental health seriously.
   Responsibility is something that has always been important to me, ever since I was a kid. I never neglected my responsibilities at home, at work, or with my friends and family, until alcohol became an influence in my life, at which time the responsibility dwindled. It sucked all of the care and concern for those things which mattered to me out of my life and lead me on a path of ultimate destruction. I’m proud to finally have taken responsibility for my actions, my recovery, and my own life. Eight months to a year ago, I’d venture to say it would have been a completely different story, but instead, I chose to write another ending, an ending in which I took control of my life and decided to become responsible. Will there continue to be mistakes, bumps in the road, and potential hiccups; absolutely, as this is a fact of life. However, in those mistakes and mishaps, I will be able to take responsibility, own up to my faults, and pick myself up and move on. Having taken responsibility for my life has made me feel like I’ve never felt before and I’m proud of my accomplishments so far because of this.

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